A few months ago, I was in a relationship with an older man, and I thought things were going pretty well. I was really enjoying getting to know him and spend time with him, when something quite big happened that was out of our control, but it meant that he and I ended our relationship. Anyway, over the last couple of months he and I have been in touch, and a few weeks ago we met up. It was a really lovely evening and I went home feeling happy and wondering whether things could be rekindled.
We are seeing each other again tomorrow. And up until about 20 minutes ago, I was looking forward to it and thinking, maybe tomorrow we'll have a proper talk and decide whether we want to continue seeing each other in a serious manner.
As you know, I've been on various dating websites in the past, but for over a year now I've not been a subscribed member. Tonight, I logged on with the intention of deleting my account, seeing as I'm not able to use it properly unless I pay some extortionate fee, and the fact that I had met someone outside of the dating website, made me think I could get rid of it as I have no intention of using it again.
Imagine my surprise, and horror, and shock... when I saw the guy I am meant to be seeing tomorrow ONLINE and updating his details?!?!? It makes me wonder whether he was using the dating website the whole time we were dating... and more to the point, if he is actively on it and seeing me tomorrow, then he is not serious about me in any way, shape or form.
It makes me feel like an idiot that I've been holding on to this idea that we might get back together. I feel like an idiot most of the time anyway when it comes to men. A teeny part of me still holds out for Mr Special... and I thought that moving on and being with other people would help, and in doing so I found someone that I genuinely liked. And now, I have to come to terms with the fact that he isn't serious about me, I don't know why he wants to go on a date, and I feel like a fool.
Okay, I probably do know why he wants to see me - it's probably a booty call... But I am not going to fall for that or let myself get used. I am worth so much more than that!
I am feeling generally a bit down on men at the moment anyway... but I had hopes and now they've been dashed. Perhaps I was holding on to something that wasn't real because it was easier than dealing with the harsh reality that he doesn't feel the same way?
I'm still going to see him tomorrow, and see how the evening pans out. I don't think I have the wrong idea about him as he uploaded a new photo onto his dating profile, one that I know for a fact is a recent photo. Who knows what tomorrow may bring... I have to keep holding on to hope and love, and let go of bad men.
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