The Return

I'm back! I wonder if anyone has missed me? :-)

I had a brilliant holiday. It was just what I needed. Time to just chill out, relax, read trashy magazines and books, spend alot of time with Mr Special. I'm not going to go into great detail here, but suffice to say I had the most magical time away with him, but he really doesn't feel the same way about me, despite his assurances that he cares for me. I am totally and utterly in love with him. And it's killing me to know that he doesn't want me in the same way. I'm hurting alot right now and I don't know when this pain will go away.

In the midst of all of this, I've had to put a brave face on to celebrate my birthday. I feel... not old, I'm okay about turning 30, but it feels like everyone and everything is passing me by while I'm in this limbo land. It feels like great stuff is happening for everyone I know - in the last month, I've learnt that 3 of my friends are now engaged, one had a beautiful baby girl, 2 of my single girlfriends have found love and have gone on holidays and mini-breaks with their partners. And me... I'm stuck pining after a guy who I've just had the most amazing time with, and trying to get over him is not really working.

I think I need to stop being so in touch with him. We speak almost everyday. I know it's not healthy but I seem to have some weird compulsion to chat to him, like he is my boyfriend, but sadly he isn't. The thing is, he indulges me in it and talks to me for hours too, so there I am thinking he must like me too. And he does, he admits it. But that's as far as it goes for him :-(

Okay, Operation Talk Less must commence pronto!