I was reminded today of Belinda Carlisle's song 'I Plead Insanity' where the chorus goes:
"I plead insanity
Whoa, I'm so mad about you
I can't think straight, I can't see straight
I plead insanity
All I do is obsess about you
I can't work days
I can't sleep nights"
That's how I feel at the moment. Every minute of every day that I have free, and even when I'm meant to be doing something, I keep thinking about Mr Special. I wish I didn't feel like this... I know I'm not doing myself any good but I can't seem to help it.
As I was browsing through some other blogs, I came across one by a girl who seems really similar to me. She's just turned 30, and like me, has been through a few dating wars herself. The difference is that her attitude towards men and dating is so different. She dates like mad, and if there is something vaguely not quite right with the guy she is quick to move on and forget about him. Firstly, I don't date multiple guys at the same time. And secondly, when my feelings and emotions get involved, I find it so hard to get myself out of it.
Sometimes I wish I could just forget about Mr Special. Go off and meet someone new. But then I feel that would negate my feelings, as though that person didn't mean a jot to me. I can't just switch off my feelings, or simply compartmentalise them and not feel them anymore. Even though this is hurting me so very much, and I want to stop the pain, I can't help but ride it out, there is no shortcut.
Albert Einstein said that insanity was "doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results"... I guess this is true of me in the sense that I'm holding out for Mr Special to one day turn around and say hey, I do want to be serious with you. But as long as I maintain how things are, he's not going to change... so the only logical thing is that I have to change.
Which I don't feel able or strong enough to do sadly...
Hello Mei. I know exactly how you feel. Recently the love of my life quite abruptly left me, taking everything, both physical and emotional from me. I don't know why I continue to pine for her; there's no chance it will ever be as it was for us. I've been trying to write about it but I can't yet. Anyway, for what it's worth, it's good to know that I'm not the only one who feels that way.
ReplyDelete