Emotional Betrayal

I've been thinking long and hard today about Mr Special.

Am I upset because I've lost him, or because I've lost the hope and promise of a 'happily ever after'?

I think it's a bit of both to be honest. I miss being with him, having that connection with someone that you don't have with anyone else. I miss our conversations, our dates, the fun and silly times we shared together. I miss thinking about a future with him, and what we'd be doing next week, next month, next year...

I read an article today about whether women could forgive an affair or not. It basically said that women were more likely to forgive a one night stand or just sex, rather than a long-term affair - because not only had the trust been broken, but the man had forged an emotional attachment with the other woman. The article points to evidence from evolution and science, suggesting that men are programmed to spread their genes whereas women need to secure a mate to look after her and her offspring. If the man begins to look after another woman then he won't be around to look after you.

Hmm, I'm not sure how easily I could forgive someone for having a one night stand with the excuse that it was 'just sex'. But I also think it's a valid point about emotional betrayal. It's not the fact that Mr Special is now doing the business with another girl, it's also the time and attention he spends on her. Going out on dates, spending time with each other, getting to know each other inside out, all that leads to a pretty intimate and bonding relationship. And I can't get my head around the fact that someone who did all that with me, can now so easily be doing that with someone else who he has just met!

Having an emotional and intellectual connection with someone is just as important to me as the physical connection. I'd feel betrayed and cheated on just as equally if my guy kissed someone else, had sex with them, or started confiding in them about their thoughts and feelings and spending quality time together. I don't think guys totally get this though, as they think cheating only happens once you've slept together. An old ex of mine maintains that he never cheated as he officially broke up with me before he had sex with the other woman, despite months of communicating - talking on the phone and messaging each other - the intent was all there... He had already betrayed my trust by getting to know this woman and talking about being together... anyway, that's a whole other kettle of fish for another post one day.

Getting back to Mr Special then, yes, I feel betrayed and hurt and angry that he's moved on so quickly. I feel jealous that he's spending time with someone else, that she is now experiencing all the wonderful things that he is capable of, that she now gets to hear his thoughts and feelings, and I'm stuck halfway across the world on my own. Great.

Life sucks sometimes.