Heartache and Heartbreak

Wow, it's just gone 10.30pm on Friday evening and I'm sitting in bed typing this post. It's been a long and emotional day. To borrow a phrase from Glee, I've been in a 'funk' this week... I've felt so down and depressed about various things and I felt marginally better after I wrote my post last night. And then one of the worst 24 hour periods of my life began...

I found out that Mr Special is dating someone. Already. After being gone for a mere 3 weeks he has found himself a new lady friend. Is it the case that guys take less time to get over someone? To fall out of love? Or do I just have a really hard time in letting go?

We emailed a few times last night, where he confessed that he had started seeing this girl, but that he didn't want to upset me. Bit too late for that! Needless to say I had a sleepless night... which resulted in me feeling super tired and looking like shit today. I went in to work, despite wanting to call in sick, but it was quiet so I kept myself to myself in my office. Big mistake. Big fat tears of sadness... heartbroken sobbing... the full works... snot galore :-)

I feel an overwhelming gut-wrenching sense of jealousy - what does she have that I haven't got? Do I mean that little to him that he can so easily forget me and what we had and move on to some other girl? Is it a case of out of sight, out of mind?? Bear in mind that we have been talking pretty much everyday for the last week and a bit... no mention of any girl, spending hours messaging each other.

I feel like my heart has broken into a million and one pieces, yet again, and I still love him with each little piece. I told him that I missed him, and he said that he missed me too. Yeah, it looks that way, with you finding a replacement for me so soon.

Our communication ended with me sending a really long email, much of which probably doesn't make much sense given the state I was in when writing it, and he hasn't responded. My thoughts to that are he is either watching the FIFA World Cup that started today (very exciting!) or he is out on a date with her seeing as it is Friday night... who knows? I keep torturing myself with scenarios of him getting married to her, being able to give this girl everything that I want from him.

Will I ever find true love and happiness? There have been less than a handful of occasions where I think I've found it, and it's going to last, and then something happens and I'm left picking up the pieces again. Sometimes I feel like time is running out for me. Only yesterday did I find out one of my friends is getting married next year and another one of my best friends gave birth to her second child. When will it be my time for my fairytale ending?

Anyway, I'm going to try and get some sleep tonight. What has happened has happened and I can't change it so I have to put up with it and try again to move on from this...