Every Cloud...

...has a silver lining. Or so they say.

I feel like I've heard every cliché and saying these past few days. Every song that I hear I think is about me. 'What will be, will be'... 'If it's meant to be, he'll come back to you'... 'Give him a chance to miss you'... 'If it wasn't right for one person, then it wasn't right for both'... 'What comes around, goes around'... 'It must have been love, but it's over now'...

Give me a break! Every time I go through a period of heartache it seems that my well-meaning friends and family recycle the same old lines to me. And it feels like none of them ever come true. Why is it that nobody can stand up to me and say, 'Honey, he didn't love you, he's moved on and is now a million miles away and is never coming back to be with you'? Yes, the truth hurts, but at least then I can deal with the pain instead of pathetically clinging on to some shred of hope. Because I am. Deep down, I do still think there is a chance for me and Mr Special. Despite every gut instinct that tells me he won't come back, some part of me thinks he might somehow realise his mistake in what he gave up to move to a new country.

I am desperately trying hard to move on from this. I don't want to wake up in a few months or a couple of years and realise how much time and energy I wasted on a futile cause. I'm trying to fill my days with things to do, people to see, but all I really want to do is sit and mope at home. Okay, I know I can give myself a bit of time to mourn the loss of Mr Special, I don't expect that I could simply just move on. My feelings aren't controlled by the flick of a switch. But part of me doesn't want to allow myself to do this, it's rather odd.

I think I've been a bit unsettled today because I spoke to Mr Special... he called me, which was weird and exciting yet comforting all at the same time. It was really nice to hear his voice actually. I miss talking to him. I miss seeing him. I miss doing stuff with him, like going out for drinks after work, or dinner, a movie, a cuddle. Life sucks sometimes.

Even retail therapy isn't really working! Eek!!