'Perfer et obdura; dolor hic tibi proderit olim'

I came across this Latin phrase coined by the Roman poet Ovid - it means 'Be patient and tough; some day this pain will be useful to you'.

I'm trying to apply this to my current situation with Mr Special.

I've had a really great weekend with some lovely friends keeping my mind off him. During the days when I'm busy doing stuff it all seems just fine... and then night time comes and I'm lying here alone in bed with only my thoughts for company. This is when I feel most down and depressed. I think about Mr Special, and what my life would be like if things were different. It's stupid I know... I know I can't change things, I can't change his mind. The only thing I'm in control of is me, I can change the way I think and feel. It's hard, but I am the only one who can do this. Nobody can do it for me.

I've been through enough break ups and disappointment to know that I can and will survive this. He isn't the first guy to break my heart, and I'm guessing he won't be the last either. All my past relationships, all the joy and the pain, have shaped the person that I've become. And I've tried so hard to not let what has happened before affect the current relationship - never has the phrase 'Love like you've never been hurt' by Mark Twain been truer. Each time it gets a little harder though... each time you have a little bit more hurt and pain inside to carry through.

I hope that one day all the heartache and pain I've had to endure will be worth it...

I heard a song on the radio the other day by Lady Antebellum called 'Need You Now' and some of the lyrics really hit home:

"And I wonder if I ever cross your mind
For me it happens all the time

It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now
And I don't know how I can do without, I just need you now"

But the most striking line for me is:

"Yes I'd rather hurt than feel nothing at all"

I have absolutely no regrets about Mr Special, and I'll treasure these memories for a long long time.

I'll finish with another quote by Alfred Lord Tennyson (sorry for the deluge of quotes but at times like these they all seem so true!)

" 'Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all"

Wise words indeed.