Goodbye Mr Special

I started writing a new post the other day but my heart wasn't really in it. I will finish it, perhaps in a few days. Stay tuned!! :-)

Have been rather busy these last few days actually, which has been a blessing in disguise as it has helped to take my mind off things with Mr Special. I've had to say goodbye to him. Not for forever, but certainly for now. I don't want to waste my life pining after someone when it's clear that things are not going to work out. No matter how deep my feelings are for this man, it won't change the fact that he is leaving the country and that he doesn't want to be in a serious, committed relationship with me. He may tick a heck of alot of boxes on my list, but sadly I don't tick enough of his.

We have spoken a bit since The Row, but nothing has really changed. He still maintains that he loves and cares for me, that I am special to him, but he is leaving and it's all bad timing... the eternal optimist and romantic idiot in me thinks he actually has feelings for me, the cold hearted bitch thinks these are just feeble excuses so that he doesn't come out of this looking like the bad guy. I don't actually know what to think anymore. Maybe he isn't ready for anything serious - I totally get the whole 'once bitten, twice shy' scenario, but then why go to all this effort when he could have easily kept it on a friends only basis. Who knows? Men (and women) can be very strange creatures.

I've found myself quite overwhelmed by emotion at times... today at work my eyes suddenly welled up and I was hit by such sadness that I wouldn't be able to see Mr Special anymore. It physically hurt. Like someone had thumped me in the chest.

So what have I been doing in a bid to keep myself busy and occupied and not reaching for the phone like a mad, crazy stalker? I had my first proper singing lesson, which was great fun! I've met some really lovely ladies who can all sing brilliantly. I went to a student theatre performance that was organised by a friend of a friend, and I just thought, why not go? Instead of sitting at home and moping about men I should get out there... okay, in all honesty it isn't the kind of place you'd go to meet a guy (not for me anyway as they were all about 10 years younger than me) and plus I am definitely not in that frame of mind where I can just go out with another guy, I need to sort my head out first otherwise it wouldn't be fair on whoever dated me, but I had a great time - cheeky cocktails, good company, fantastic show!

I also had the immense pleasure of seeing Flight of the Conchords live at Hammersmith Apollo. This was an amazing night. I absolutely love FotC and their live shows were sold out in a matter of minutes so I was extremely lucky to get tickets. Their comedic wit is just genius, their song lyrics make me laugh so much, and seeing them in the flesh made it seem a million times better than their TV and radio work. If I could go again, I would!

Seeing Bret and Jemaine was the highlight of my week... saying goodbye to someone that I love was the low point.

I wonder what next week will bring me?