May Bank Holiday Weekend

Pinch, punch, it's the first of the month!

And it's also a long weekend! Hurrah! And it's raining.... well, no Bank Holiday Weekend would be complete without a little rain, would it?! Actually, it's been quite nice sitting inside listening to the heavens open... hopefully tomorrow will be a brighter and less wet day.

I had a strangely nice day today. Woke up relatively early and pottered about the house, then I had a few errands to run, which involved going into the City. On a Saturday. It was quite weird seeing all the usual familiar sights that I see on an everyday basis, but with no people around. Very quiet, ominous black clouds in the sky, and little me walking along without a care in the world. I then had to spoil it by venturing into Oxford Street! As I had no particular plans, I decided to walk along the quieter back streets and explored by simply walking, whereas usually I'd just hop on a bus or go on the tube. It was a good decision. I stumbled across Cambridge Circus. Now I've probably walked past here so many times before and never realised what it was called - until I watched Slumdog Millionaire and it featured as one of the questions. Today I saw with my very own eyes the road sign saying Cambridge Circus. Not an amazing achievement by any means but I did feel a small sense of satisfaction finding this place.

During my walks, I had alot of time to think about things and reflect on some stuff. Namely an ex. H was my first proper love. We were together for many years until he decided to end things. He is now very happily married and we do still keep in touch and remain friends. It's a bit difficult as he works abroad so we don't see each other very often but we do speak and email a fair bit. I guess I was thinking about him today as he was meant to be in the UK this week, and we had tentatively arranged to meet up. Last week we spoke and he told me he wouldn't be coming back after all. This made me feel quite sad - not because I still have feelings for him or want him back or anything like that, but because I spent so much time with him and I learnt alot during my time with him, and we grew together. This person used to know me inside out, and me him, and now I barely see him. It's strange to think that I used to spend every single day with this guy, and for the past, oooh almost 4 years we've been like strangers.

I know it's not healthy to dwell on the past, but just for today, I wondered 'what if'... what if we hadn't split up, would we still be together? Engaged, maybe married, children? It was a nice fantasy to think that things had worked out and that I wasn't such a failure with the opposite sex and relationships.

Goodnight all x