Disappointed

I'm feeling low. I was meant to see Mr Special today but he ended up having to work late and by the time he finished it was too late. Well, it wasn't too late. I could have gone over to see him but he said he was tired and that he had work to do. I don't know if he really meant that or maybe he just didn't want to see me.

Sometimes I wonder why I'm still seeing him. There is no future there for me - he has moved away to another country and he has been dating other women. Am I secretly hoping that perhaps he'll come to his senses and realise that I'm the one for him? Yes. Is it stupid to hope for this? Again, yes. But for some reason I keep going back to this non-relationship. Because I really really like him, I enjoy spending time with him and going out for dinner and dates.

Some people would say that I should move on from this and let him see me being happy and strong and independent, and maybe that would make me more attractive to him. But why should I deny myself the pleasure of seeing him for such a big gamble? If nothing huge is ever going to happen between us then why can't I enjoy the here and now? Some of my friends have said that while there is nothing wrong with spending time with him, it could be preventing me from meeting someone else. And okay, yes, the evenings that I spend with Mr Special I guess I could be out on the town meeting drunk men in bars?? Hmm... in all honesty, the time I spend with Mr Special has never prevented me from doing other things - very rarely have I turned down something to see him instead. So if I weren't seeing him and not going out, then I'd be at home - and not that many opportunities to meet guys on my doorstep!

Unless you give online dating a whirl... I'll write more about this another day as this is yet another topic of major disappointment for me.

So there you have it... feeling disappointed and dejected and I had noone I could talk about this stuff to - not without some sort of lecture at least. It galls me that my family and close friends who I want to talk to about this stuff are the ones who I can't turn to because they won't just listen, they'll go on about how I shouldn't be seeing him and I shouldn't let him affect me, and yes, I know they only do this because they care, but sometimes I just want a shoulder to cry on or a listening ear. Spare me the lectures please.

Green Eyed Monster!

Everywhere I go I seem to be surrounded by couples. I'm happy for them, and they too have had their fair share of heartache, but it is making me feel so jealous that they now have what I want. Lately I've been thinking how unfair life is that I've not found someone special to share these moments with. I've got a wedding to go to soon and I think I am the only single girl going... at least I have a decent chance of catching the bouquet then!

Friends are getting engaged, or getting into serious relationships - I've had several notifications on Facebook that so-and-so are now 'in a relationship' with so-and-so. Like I didn't already know this seeing as I'm friends with said so-and-so. I don't need Facebook rubbing my nose in it! I actually wouldn't change or put up my relationship status on Facebook - noone needs to know what stage of relationship I'm in, and imagine if you then broke up, you'd have people messaging you publicly about it! Facebook has also told me that certain friends have found a place to move in with their partner - again, is this smugness too much information?

On the other hand, I have friends telling me about their relationship problems and how they had an argument about something small and trivial. Part of me wants to grab them and shake some sense into them - why pick at small things when you have someone you want to be with for the rest of your lives. Some people yearn to have what you have, and would do nice things to show them that they care instead of picking at inconsequential things.

Humph. Even writing about this is making me feel sad and jealous. I'm sure I'll be back to my normal self in a few days but at the moment it's really getting me down :-( I just want to be loved by someone who I love back. Why is it so difficult to meet that someone???? When will it happen for me????!

Of Shrek and Shakespeare

I have been a busy bee these past few days! Lots of lovely social events and activities going on... After seeing Toy Story 3, I went to see Shrek Forever After in 3D at the cinema. I adore the Shrek films - actually, let me clarify that, I loved Shrek and Shrek 2. I did not really enjoy or even remember Shrek the Third. Did anyone?? This last film, supposedly 'The Final Chapter' was actually very enjoyable but not as good as the first 2 films.

It does strike me as a bit odd that something so successful can then be so rubbish. I do find that very rarely do sequels live up to the first film. It's silly that people rush things to capitalise on success but then produce something that is disappointing to the fans. While I hate this, I also admire those who go out at the top - instead of stretching something good and successful into something bad, they leave at the peak, leaving the fans wanting more. For example, there apparently won't be any more series of Flight of the Conchords or Gavin and Stacey and these are great shows. Very sad that there won't be any further shows but at least I'll remember them in all their glory instead of thinking, What happened to that show? Why did it go all downhill for them?

I think they could have left out the third Shrek film and perhaps incorporated some of that into this last film, making it even funnier. Don't get me wrong, I really enjoyed it but it wasn't up to the standard of the earlier films. If I really had to choose, I think I liked Toy Story 3 better than this film.

So was this just a week of being childish and watching animated films? No! I managed to get tickets for the Regent's Park Open Air Theatre and went to see The Comedy of Errors by Shakespeare. I have always wanted to go to the Open Air Theatre but in previous years I'd been too late to book it. It was magical. Absolutely awesome.

I'd been so worried that it was going to rain but luckily the gods were smiling down on me and the skies stayed dry. I went with Mr Special and it was such a romantic date, I really couldn't have asked for more. We went and had a picnic in the park before the show, with plenty of champagne - yum! The performance itself was great, really funny. It wasn't a play that I was overly familiar with but I'd read up on it before going so I knew the storyline. Thoroughly enjoyed it and will check out what other shows they are putting on.

The transformation from light to dark while watching the play unfold is lovely. It's so different from a regular show in a theatre. Tickets are comparable to a real theatre but trust me, this is a totally different experience. And if you like going to see plays and stuff like that, then you should go along at least once :-) I'm sure if it had rained or something then I wouldn't be so enthusiastic about it but for me, it was perfect.

Toy Story 3

Went to see Toy Story 3 in 3D this week. I absolutely love animated films - stuff like Shrek, Finding Nemo, The Incredibles, Monsters Inc, Kung Fu Panda, Bee Movie, Chicken Run... the list could go on for quite some time!! Sometimes I feel like a big kid at heart, with simple pleasures like a cartoon character doing silly things that makes me laugh.

I think the first Toy Story film was one of the first ever movies I ever saw at a cinema. Ever. For me, it was a real treat, a novel way of watching a film. And even to this day I love going to the cinema and still find it an exciting way to spend an evening. I don't go as much as I'd like to though...

Anyway, Toy Story 3 was really good fun, made even better by watching it in 3D. I have to say, watching 3D movies is fantastic. I've seen Avatar and Clash of the Titans in 3D and the effects were amazing. As an aside, they actually had a trailer for Avatar - it's being re-released with "never seen before footage" which means that they will get people flocking to the cinemas AGAIN. It really annoys me when that happens - why not just release it in the first place with said extra footage instead of cheating people out of their good money twice? It's the same with music albums... they get released and fans buy them, two minutes later it's released again but with a bonus track or limited edition poster or something... and if you're a true fan then you'd want to go get it even though you have something that is 99% the same already.

Okay, rant over. Back to the point of the post... Toy Story 3 in 3D... well worth watching! It was laugh out loud funny with the same old familiar characters that you know and love, and some new ones. I especially liked the Ken doll who took a shine to Barbie, even though he was so camp! It was super cute and touching at the end though, and I confess I welled up a little as it was so sweet and poignant.

It was good fun to watch something light hearted and not too taxing on the brain... go and see it if you need some cheering up, you'll laugh I promise!! :-)

"The course of true love never did run smooth"

Today I went to see some Shakespeare at the Bridewell Theatre. They put on what is called Lunchbox Theatre - the opportunity to enjoy lunch with a "bite of culture". I was quite intrigued when I first saw the flyer for it - how good could a play be in just 45 minutes?

At the moment they are showing 'A Midsummer Night's Dream' by William Shakespeare. Tickets only cost £6 so I thought, why not? And you know what, I am very glad that I went! It was a small venue and I was surprised by how many people turned up. It's been showing since the 6th July and goes on til the end of the month.

It was a good production actually, bearing in mind that they had to squeeze in a heck of alot of stuff in less than a lunch hour. I laughed alot, felt a little poignant at the famous lines like the one in the title of this post, and was impressed by the level of skill shown by the actors. The only downside I can think of is that some of the action took place when the actors were lying down on the floor and it was a little difficult to then see their faces and movements without craning your neck and trying to look in between the people sat in front of you. I guess if you got there early and had a seat in the first few rows this would not be a problem.

Anyway, I really enjoyed it. I love Shakespeare though, so it was a really fun thing to do in my lunch break. Something different to just going out and buying a sandwich. And it meant I had a real break, real time away from my desk. So often I go get lunch and then eat it at my desk without stopping what I'm working on.

I'll definitely go again - they're doing The Canterbury Tales by Geoffrey Chaucer in October so I'll make sure I go one lunchtime.

In 'A Midsummer Night's Dream' they use a magical potion which causes the victim to fall in love with the first living thing that they see when they wake up. If only this was not the stuff of fairytales and plays... if such a thing existed I'd love to use it on Mr Special... or maybe Brad Pitt, hahahah!

I miss being with someone. Tonight on my walk home I saw a couple, he was a white guy, maybe early forties, she seemed young and had long black hair but was wearing sunglasses so I couldn't see her eyes, and they were just holding each other tightly and snogging like no tomorrow. He had her pressed up against the wall of some building, his hands in her hair, she was on tip toes to meet his kiss... it looked so passionate and romantic. Perhaps they hadn't seen each other for some time, maybe they're a new couple... who knows?

It just struck me as sweet that they clearly only had eyes for each other at that moment, and didn't care what was going on around them or what anyone else thought. I didn't think 'oh you guys, get a room!' but rather was thinking how much I'd like it if someone was that madly in love with me that they just had to kiss me right there in the street.

I miss kisses and cuddles. I miss the affection that you and your partner show each other. I miss falling asleep next to the person I care most about in the world and waking up the next day beside them. That would make my day.

Sunday Blues

Sunday evening. The end of a crappy day actually. I woke up relatively early and was looking forward to a nice Sunday before the working week starts again. And I was let down... I got cancelled on. I was really pissed off earlier.

Now I'm feeling a bit better. I ended up going shopping and I bought toiletries!! I know I promised not to, but this was stuff that I'd run out of, and it was boring stuff like floss and facial scrub. So it doesn't strictly count!

Tonight I caught up on the rest of my chores and finished going through some paperwork and tidying my room. Sometimes I get in a real mood for decluttering and sorting things out. It's kind of like out with the old and in with the new... a fresh start. Speaking of new things, I tried out my new eyelash curlers today and boy are they good!! They really made my lashes curl, and I felt that my eyes looked bigger and brighter. I didn't use any mascara - didn't really feel the need as I wasn't seeing anyone today - but also wanted to see how long the curl lasted. It's now been about 12 hours since I curled them and they're still holding strong. Very impressed!!

Watched Top Gear tonight - I ♥ Top Gear!!! It's one of the best shows on TV I think. I could not stop laughing during the show. They had to make their own motorhomes and drive down to Cornwall and then do all sorts of activities including cooking a 3 course meal. Hammond somehow set fire to his while making dessert. They must have so much fun making this programme.

While watching TV tonight it got me thinking... I was a little sad that I was watching Top Gear on my own. I used to watch this with H... and more recently, with Mr Special. I miss having someone around... to snuggle up with on the sofa and watch films or shows or just random stuff. It was always so nice to have a cuddle or tuck my feet underneath them to keep warm, to turn my head and be enveloped in that person's scent and warmth. To feel someone's arm around me, keeping me safe, especially if we were watching something scary. To have a gentle kiss on my cheek for no reason. I miss being with someone.

*Sigh*

Hair Horrors

Gosh... it's Saturday already. Where has the week gone?

Having a relaxing night in tonight as I've been out every night since Wednesday and I need some time at home to catch up on chores. Went shopping today - no toiletries (and on that note I have finished one body moisturiser, yay!) but I bought some new make-up brushes and some new eyelash curlers as I feel like experimenting with a new look as I had my hair cut!

The other day I noticed a white hair sticking up out of my hair. Further investigation brought forth 5 more white hairs! They were quite long as well, so they've obviously been growing a long time. Which means they've been in my hair for ages. Which means that people must have seen them!! White hairs are really noticeable on me as I have black hair. Plus, because I am short everyone inevitably looks down on me and probably sees them before I notice them. Boo.

Anyway, as I was looking in the mirror I realised that my hair had grown quite long. I think it's been about 3 months since I last had my hair cut so it was quite long and the ends looked all straggly and out of shape. So I booked a hair appointment for the following day and off I went.

I'm never really that adventurous when it comes to having my hair done. It usually is about shoulder length with some layers cut in. This time, I got it cut a bit shorter, not intentionally, but it now is about an inch above my shoulders. I have a sort of fringe too, swept to one side. I think it looks good, but it is rather annoying at times as it gets in my eyes and isn't long enough to tuck behind my ears.

They say it takes a few days to get used to a new hairstyle so fingers crossed it'll grow on me - no pun intended! But I'll use this opportunity to update my look and perhaps try a few different things. I want to start curling my eyelashes so that my eyes look bigger. I've tried in the past but it never seemed to work - perhaps I just had crap eyelash curlers - but I've even tried things like heated eyelash curlers.

Tomorrow I'll try out my new stuff... I'm seeing some friends tomorrow so it can be a bit of a trial run. Just finished dinner and watching Friends on TV and then I think an early night is in order - I changed my bed linen today so I'm looking forward to snuggling into fresh sheets - one of my favourite random things :-)

Food, Glorious Food!

One of my most favourite things in the world is FOOD. I love eating. And I love cooking.

I've always loved food. I was a chubby child, always finishing the leftovers at mealtimes. I think I was the only person in my entire primary school who actually liked school dinners and went up for seconds. I think this is partly because it was such different food to what I was given at home, whereas the English kids ate stuff like pasta and shepherd's pie all the time so it wasn't really exciting or new for them.

I'd say I was quite a chubby teenager too, but then in my late teens when I went away to uni I did lose weight. Coupled with stress from exams and studying and pulling all-nighters, along with the continuous nights out dancing and drinking, I was probably at my skinniest when I was about 20 years old. Then I met H in my last year and we ended up living together after graduation... and as we spent more time indoors together my weight crept back up.

At my biggest I was a size 12. That's nothing, I hear you cry... and a size 12 isn't big or fat. But bear in mind that I am quite short and petite, so extra weight on me is more noticeable than on a taller person. I remember one New Year's Eve I was at H's parents' house and he took a photo of me sat in an armchair - oh my goodness! Double chin, podgy arms and rolls of flab around my belly. I was quite disgusted at myself.

I lost the majority of the weight when H and I broke up. I was distraught. I was so upset that I didn't actually eat. Usually when I'm upset I comfort eat, but a couple of times now I've been in such a bad way that I don't eat - that's when I know I'm really upset. I'm now a nice size 8-10 but I still have a very healthy appetite.

People keep trying to scare me by saying that my metabolism will go to pot when I hit 30, and that everything starts going south, and that I'll suffer from middle-age spread. Hmm. I don't know if that's true or not... I've been trying to eat better and do more exercise but I don't really seem to be getting into the swing of things.

For a while I tried grazing, having lots of little meals throughout the day to keep my energy levels up. I attempted the Atkins Diet, but I couldn't even go one day without carbs. I think I suit having proper meals with little or no snacking in between. I've been trying to feast like a King during the day, as in trying to take in the majority of my calorie intake at breakfast and lunch, and then eat like a pauper in the evening, thus having a smaller meal at dinner time so that I can use my calories in the day. Is it working? Hell, no! I'm finding that I'm eating more and more at lunchtime, yet still having the same kind of meal later on - I don't eat any less.

It is also difficult because I tend to go out for dinner quite a bit. The other day I went out to a lovely restaurant with Mr Special and indulged in a fancy 3 course meal plus wine and even dessert wine. It was soooooo good. I was completely full after that meal and didn't eat until the next day at lunchtime.

I don't really abide by any diet or rules as such. I eat what I like and when I like and how much I like. I'm guided by the principle that my body tells me what it needs... so I don't deprive myself if I fancy something sweet. I also don't take any vitamins or supplements, as I believe that we should get all our nutrients from the food we eat.

Is this the best way to eat? I don't know... but it seems to be working for me. I just need to work on the exercise part to tone myself up but apart from that I'm pretty happy with my shape and size. I watched 'The Ugly Face of Beauty' tonight on TV, and it showed so many people who were unhappy with their bodies that they had plastic surgery. I know I can't change some things about me, like my height, but the size and shape of your body can be changed with different eating habits and exercise. People opt for the quick fix, which can sometimes go wrong and have horrific consequences.

For now, I'm going to just eat whatever I fancy :-)

Toiletry Trauma

I love beauty products and toiletries - I am a girl, after all! But I'm not an overly girly girl. Yes, I like pink - but in moderation and only certain shades of pink. I'm more of a hot pink than baby pink kinda gal. When it comes to make-up, I tend to be quite lazy and use it sparingly, saving it for special occasions when I can be arsed to put it on.

But put me in any Boots store and I can guarantee that I can spend a fortune in there. I just love buying various lotions and potions that promise various things from younger looking skin to getting rid of blemishes, and now that I am approaching the big 3-0, anti-ageing creams and anti-wrinkle lotions.

I think this stems from my teenage years when I was really concerned about my appearance and skin... well, who isn't when they are 14 and have a huge zit on their nose? I remember trying all sorts of creams and skincare routines, and spending most of my pocket money on it too! I had a bit of a penchant for posh brands found in department stores, such as Clarins and Clinique. I'd hang around the beauty counters where the sales assistants would pounce on you and give you a free demo of their products along with handfuls of free samples for you to take home and try, and then sucker you into buying their products as when you bought 2 items you were given a free gift, usually consisting of a hideous make-up bag and some creams that weren't even suitable for you.

I actually still have a few of these promotional gifts lurking around, a compact mirror from Clarins that I thought looked really cool and expensive but I never use and some day-glo orange cosmetics case that I use to keep mini toiletries for travelling in.

I have to say, thank goodness, that now I am older and wiser I know my skin type and what products suit my skin, and I rarely impulse buy now. But tonight I was struck by exactly how many toiletries and things I have in my room... ALOT!! I could probably open a small shop and sell all the things I have here. Perhaps it's the Chinese in me that looks out for bargains and bulk buy things I know I'll use... but now they're all languishing in my room and there is only a limited amount of creams and lotions that I can use in a day.

So, I have made a solemn vow to use everything in my room before buying new products. Obviously if I run out of something I can buy that product, but nothing that I already have - even if it is a BOGOF deal! Special offers always come and go so I'm not missing out if I let an offer pass by.

At the moment I have 2 face creams and I think 3 different bottles of body moisturiser on the go. Not to mention 3 tubes of hand cream, 4 lipbalms, 2 facial oils... the list goes on! I am going to use up open products first and then use all the new stuff that I have in my cupboard and on my toiletries shelf.

I don't know how long this will take me, but I'm hoping that this exercise will save me a bit of money, clear up some valuable space in my room, and by the end of it I'll stick with the brands that I really like, rather than chopping and changing. Hopefully my skin will thank me for it too :-)

World Cup Final

Hurray! The World Cup is finally over!!! I actually watched it - much to my surprise! And it was an okay game. Not thrillingly exciting but not bad. I was rooting for Spain to win against The Netherlands, and I'm glad I did. The Netherlands played a dirty game... tackles galore and numerous bookings.

When the game went into extra time, I confess I did channel switch and watched some other random things but during the advert break I flicked back to the BBC just in time to see Spain score the winning goal, with minutes to go til extra time was over. So glad I managed to see it - not that I would have been that sad to have missed it but seeing as I'd watched most of it already it would have been a poor show to miss the goal.

I expect the whole world will be talking about it at work tomorrow... not looking forward to going to work actually. I think it's because I've had such a nice weekend and I want the nice weather to continue... alas the forecast is for rain next week. Boo.

I saw Mr Special this weekend... perhaps that is what made the weekend so nice? We had a lovely dinner at a really nice restaurant and then hung out together the following day. He also chauffeured me about in his car when I had a few errands to run - which was completely unsolicited and I wasn't exactly going to say no either! It was really great to see him again after all this time and spend some time with him as I thought he might have been too busy to see me.

Am I setting myself up for another fall? I don't know. All I know is that I'm enjoying the time I've spent with him, and we have made further plans for this coming week. Despite the rain!

Anyway, I better get some sleep otherwise I will not be getting up in time for dreaded work!

Happy National Macaroni Day!

I didn't even know such a day existed, but yes, today is National Macaroni Day. And yes, you've probably guessed that this is an American thing... who else would have a whole day dedicated to one type of pasta?

I actually came across a whole calendar of food related holidays in America during my research about National Macaroni Day. I thought it was something quite kooky and cool, but it would seem that pretty much every other day is a national day of something. Which makes it less special or interesting really...

However, having found out what today is, I immediately had cravings for macaroni cheese! And so, I gave in to the calorie-laden cheese fest and had macaroni cheese for dinner tonight. It was scrumptious. Delicious tubes of pasta fulfilled my need for carbs, and the cheese, oh the cheese... was divine. I make my macaroni cheese with some slices of tomato between the actual pasta and the top layer of cheese too. I thought it was a weird thing to do when I first saw the recipe, but try it, it's really tasty and gives it a bit of an edge.

I don't understand people who don't eat carbs. They're a staple part of our diet and if we weren't meant to eat them we wouldn't have them. Of course, you can limit the amount you eat, just like with anything, but I do believe it's unhealthy to totally cut out a food group out of your diet. I once tried the Atkins Diet in a bid to lose weight, and I couldn't even manage a day! I love stuff like rice, pasta, bread, potatoes... well, to be fair, I love all foods.

I was also reminded today that it is 5 years since the 7/7 terrorist attacks in London when bombs exploded on 3 Underground trains and 1 on a bus. Luckily I wasn't even in London on that day... but I still had lots of people ringing and texting me to ask if I was okay. I remember being scared to travel on the Underground after that, but now I think nothing of it.

It's good to be reminded every now and then that life is precious and it can be taken away from you through no fault of your own. Make each day count. Don't let life slip by...

My Latest Lust

'My Latest Lust' posts are about things that I have a huge desire for... be it clothes, gadgets, food, random things I see in the shops or on TV. They might be things that I go on to buy or just be things that will remain in dreamland :-)

This weekend I had the opportunity to play with Apple's iPad - and I really really REALLY want one! I'm a big fan of Apple, I have my beautiful MacBook and the iPhone 3GS.

When it first came out, I wondered what all the fuss was about and what could the iPad do for me that I couldn't achieve on my MacBook and iPhone? I still wonder about this, and I've been thinking about when I would actually use it if I had one. Most times I have my MacBook with me, and when I don't I can manage on my iPhone - so is an iPad really necessary?

No, not at all.

But it doesn't stop me from wanting one. It would be a totally frivolous purchase and who knows if the novelty factor would wear off as it wouldn't give me anything I couldn't already do.

On the subject of Apple, I am quite disappointed that I can't upgrade my iPhone 3GS to the iPhone 4... it would be too expensive to buy out the remainder of my contract :-( I have downloaded the new iOS 4 software though, and am pretty chuffed with that for now.

Great Friends

Aww, I've had the most incredible weekend. I'm so knackered at the moment I can barely keep my eyes open but I just wanted to share a huge happy moment of being content with life.

I've reconnected with old friends who I haven't seen for many years, caught up with some good friends who I don't see very often, and seen some of my really close friends. It's really made me think about my friendships and who I am still in contact with after all these years. It's also made me yearn for my student days, when life was easy and had relatively few complications. Lots of great memories and moments of reminiscing!

Although it's not the beginning of the year, it's the beginning of July - wow, half of 2010 is over already... time flies! So I'm making a kind of half year resolution - to make a real effort to maintain my friendships. Instead of thinking that I can't be bothered to call X or make arrangements to see Y, I'm going to really try to keep that contact going. It's too easy to let months go by without speaking to someone.

Friends, real friends, are always there for you and friendships, like all relationships, need working at. It's all about give and take. Go on, ring that old friend you keep meaning to, stop cancelling to see someone because you're now coupled up, go and be a true friend.

Down Below...

Big smiles and feelings of relief today.

I had to go for a follow up appointment at the hospital today to have another look at my bits down below - I've had a few abnormal smear tests in the last few years and got referred to my hospital eventually so they could take a closer look and see what was going on. I first went 3 months ago, and today was the long awaited follow up.

I've been feeling nervous about it, wondering what they'll find and if they'll have to do anything. The amount of information they give you and what you find on the internet is, quite frankly, pretty bloody scary.

The Clinical Nurse Specialist that I saw today was lovely - really patient and reassuring, and went through everything with me before doing anything. During the examination, she told me what she was going to do before she did it so I wasn't surprised or shocked. She was really understanding actually, and asked the other nurse to get a smaller speculum for me as she could tell how uncomfortable I was finding it. You'd think that after going for smears every 6 months for goodness knows how long I'd be used to it, but I still hate having it done!

A new thing for me today was that on a little monitor I could see exactly what she could see! I didn't have that the last time I went. It was rather amazing and quite gross all at the same time. I'm not really squeamish so I was watching avidly as she poked about down there. I saw my cervix and vagina - a first for me! :-) I watched as she performed the smear test and then did a few other things to check for any abnormalities and I'm pleased to report that the findings are normal. Hurray!!!!!

I've got to wait a few weeks for the smear test results and go for another follow up in 6 months but fingers crossed, that will be it. So so so pleased and happy!

Ladies out there, please don't put off having your smear tests done - I know they're not the most pleasant thing to have done, but it really can be an indicator if something is wrong down below. And most times, abnormal results do not indicate cancer, just that there have been some cell changes and they keep an eye on these changes. If it turns out to be more serious, then a proper diagnosis and treatment plan can be sorted out.

For me, knowing that all is healthy and normal down there is the best feeling in the world. It's always difficult to know what's going on inside when you can't see it for yourself, so today was a real eye opener!

I'm really looking forward to this weekend now that this weight is off my mind... I'm seeing lots of my old friends as one of my friends is celebrating his birthday and he's organised a huge party - roll on Saturday!