It took me a long time to tell Mr Special that I felt that we could not communicate any longer. I know it's for the best, but it broke my heart all over again to write those words and then send that message to him. He replied that he missed me, which really messed me up again, but hopefully now it'll get easier.
I'm now dealing with the aftermath of S. We had 7 dates. Short but sweet. Was he the guy I could spend the rest of my life with? I don't know... He hasn't given us enough of a chance to find out. All I know is that I really liked him, and it took alot for me to even admit that. I was scared by how much I liked him, but I took a chance on him, and it has backfired.
I also saw my recent ex... and his girlfriend. It was not a pleasant experience.
Wow... reading back on this entry makes me really wonder whether I am ever destined to meet someone who feels the same way about me. Or do I expect too much too soon? I know that I really enjoyed my dates with S, and I didn't want that to end. I don't know if I wanted things to progress into a super serious committed relationship, but now the option has been cruelly taken away from me.
Throw into this confusing mix a potential meet up with the first love of my life, H. I don't know whether we will meet up, but he is due back in the UK next week.
Life is never easy, I know. People keep telling me at least S didn't string me along for months or years... and yes I am grateful it ended now rather than months down the line. But I am pretty fed up of all the silver linings that I've encountered over the years... I want the bright, beautiful sunny days - no more clouds and their silver linings. Pah.
