Real versus Imagined Heartbreak

I have had my fair share of heartbreak over the years, real heart wrenching anguish when all of my relationships have ended. I've never been the one to do the breaking up, always been on the receiving end. So I think I'm pretty experienced in this. 

In the last couple of weeks, I've heard stories from friends about their love lives. Don't get me wrong, I have alot of time for my friends and want to help them in any way that I can. And I also understand and appreciate that different people deal with things in different ways. But in two instances, I really want to just say to them to pull themselves together and stop making a mountain out of a molehill.

One friend, who I only recently got to know, was telling me how she'd ended things with this guy who I thought she was dating. As she described what had happened, it transpired that they had never dated, had just met through work and had messaged each other a few times. They had tried to arrange a date but it never happened. This went on for a few months, until she decided that enough was enough and that she wasn't going to waste anymore time on him. She went on about him at length, questioning his motives and whether there was something wrong with him, and how upset she was at how he has treated her. I agreed that she shouldn't waste anymore effort on him, as I am a firm believer that if someone is interested in you, then no matter what, they will make the effort to contact you and see you, and not make flimsy excuses. 

What I really wanted to say, but felt that I couldn't say, because I don't know her very well and I didn't want to offend her, is why all the fuss about someone where nothing happened? They were not dating or in a relationship, they were not friends as they met through work and have a professional relationship of sorts, but nothing ever really took off. How can you end things when they didn't even technically start?! And you can't even call it a crush as to begin with, she had rejected his offer of a date!

The other friend, was definitely suffering from a crush, unrequited love... She is the same age as me, and as far as I can tell, has never been in a long term relationship before. For the past couple of years, yes, years, she has been mooning over a boy in her department. Again, they never dated or even had the slightest whiff of a romantic involvement. Recently, she found out that the guy in question is now engaged to someone else, and she is berating herself for being so silly and wasting time on him, and saying how now she can look back and say he wasn't the guy for her. Err, hello! I could've told her this two years ago!! 

I don't understand how some girls can get so caught up in something imaginary. I'm trying really hard to be objective here, as I know it's not nice to be rejected or know that someone you like doesn't like you back. However, this second friend had obviously misconstrued something in her head, as she and the boy had never even spent time alone chatting to each other, or even going out socially together. Anything that happened was just circumstantial from them being in the same department.

I'm not trying to say that their hurt is any less than mine, but it is a little frustrating they are making it into such a big deal. I am struggling to keep my emotions in check because the man I love doesn't want to be with me, after making such wonderful promises and actually dating and being with me. The others had never been on a date with the person, had not even been alone with that person for a prolonged period of time, had never put themselves out there to even get hurt. I would understand more if they had gone out a couple of times and then the guy decided that it wasn't right but the girl still liked them...

Am I being too harsh? Am I just being a bitch? I just don't get it. I know it's easy for me as an outsider to say this, and they have real feelings for these people, but when they tell me that nothing actually happened, and they act like it's the biggest heartbreak on Earth, I just want them to feel what I am currently feeling, and maybe then they'd know what true heartbreak is...

Another year older...

... But not necessarily wiser.

I can't believe it's been another year. I started off with such good intentions of regularly blogging but I have been rubbish.

When I last blogged, I had just been on a few dates with the older man I'd previously dated. However, after I found out that he was still active in the online dating world, I ended that pretty sharpish and I haven't spoken to or seen him since. I found that really easy to let go of, as a couple of weeks later I met a new guy, let's call him Mr Sporty, as he loves watching and playing sport, and things snowballed from a few conversations to our magical first date, to him giving me keys to his flat, mini-breaks away and what I thought to be a very promising relationship. Unfortunately, that ended in April this year, and since then I've been fighting a losing battle to get over him.

Since turning the ripe old age of 33, I've been making more of a concerted effort to forget about Mr Sporty, but I had a setback last night when I saw that he had befriended a girl on Facebook. Yes, my nemesis Facebook. I love it, but I also hate it, and I haven't had the strength to remove him from my list of friends. It may be a completely innocent friend, or it might be a new lady interest. Either way, it really upset me and I went to bed crying and didn't sleep very well.

I know I have to get over him, it's been almost 6 months since we broke up and I've not moved on. I had hoped that things could be resolved, but as more time passes it seems less likely. I've not actually seen him for almost 2 months, and I think our last conversation was about a month ago. It has been really hard to not talk to him, or contact him in any way. I thought it was hard with Mr Special, but this time round it seems to have been even harder. Every time even the smallest thing makes me want to text him, or call him. We used to spend hours on the phone, and now it's nothing.

Wow, I really have not moved on in my life in a year. Two steps forward and 3 steps back... I am, to quote my own words, pining after someone who doesn't want to be with me.

Okay, now that I have admitted, yet again, in a public forum no less, what a loser I am, this is the end of this crap year. Things are going to get better, starting from now. The first day of the rest of my life.

Go me :-)