Happy Halloween!

I had a Halloween party at the weekend and have another one to go to tomorrow night, but nothing planned for the actual night tonight. To be honest, I'm quite glad to have a night in! There were a few kids on the bus ride home tonight dressed up, and I passed a family trick-or-treating on the road next to my road, but apart from that, I've not had any Halloween goings-ons! No kids have rung on my doorbell, but I think that is due to living in a top floor flat :-)

So... I went on the date last week and had a very nice time. Really nice time. But I'm still in a quandary over what to do about his being on a dating site. I guess given that we are not in a serious committed relationship then I cannot say anything. But I do feel weird that he is communicating with and dating other girls while seeing me. We have made tentative arrangements to see each other this weekend.

I think I will just have to see if anything comes of dating this guy. I don't want to call it a day just yet, so watch this space!

In other news, I went to see the new James Bond movie, Skyfall, on Sunday. It is, without a shadow of a doubt, the best film I have seen this year! No spoilers, but it has lots of action, humour, emotion, charm... just SO good. I know it has pretty much been a sellout but do go soon if you have the chance. I am going to go again, it was that good it warrants a second viewing!

Happy Halloween x

Holding On

A few months ago, I was in a relationship with an older man, and I thought things were going pretty well. I was really enjoying getting to know him and spend time with him, when something quite big happened that was out of our control, but it meant that he and I ended our relationship. Anyway, over the last couple of months he and I have been in touch, and a few weeks ago we met up. It was a really lovely evening and I went home feeling happy and wondering whether things could be rekindled.

We are seeing each other again tomorrow. And up until about 20 minutes ago, I was looking forward to it and thinking, maybe tomorrow we'll have a proper talk and decide whether we want to continue seeing each other in a serious manner.

As you know, I've been on various dating websites in the past, but for over a year now I've not been a subscribed member. Tonight, I logged on with the intention of deleting my account, seeing as I'm not able to use it properly unless I pay some extortionate fee, and the fact that I had met someone outside of the dating website, made me think I could get rid of it as I have no intention of using it again.

Imagine my surprise, and horror, and shock... when I saw the guy I am meant to be seeing tomorrow ONLINE and updating his details?!?!? It makes me wonder whether he was using the dating website the whole time we were dating... and more to the point, if he is actively on it and seeing me tomorrow, then he is not serious about me in any way, shape or form.

It makes me feel like an idiot that I've been holding on to this idea that we might get back together. I feel like an idiot most of the time anyway when it comes to men. A teeny part of me still holds out for Mr Special... and I thought that moving on and being with other people would help, and in doing so I found someone that I genuinely liked. And now, I have to come to terms with the fact that he isn't serious about me, I don't know why he wants to go on a date, and I feel like a fool.

Okay, I probably do know why he wants to see me - it's probably a booty call... But I am not going to fall for that or let myself get used. I am worth so much more than that!

I am feeling generally a bit down on men at the moment anyway... but I had hopes and now they've been dashed. Perhaps I was holding on to something that wasn't real because it was easier than dealing with the harsh reality that he doesn't feel the same way?

I'm still going to see him tomorrow, and see how the evening pans out. I don't think I have the wrong idea about him as he uploaded a new photo onto his dating profile, one that I know for a fact is a recent photo. Who knows what tomorrow may bring... I have to keep holding on to hope and love, and let go of bad men.

Weekend Art

I meant to blog this sooner but time got the better of me... but I wanted to share this before the end of the exhibition. I went to see Edvard Munch: The Modern Eye at the Tate Modern at the weekend, and it closes on the 14th October, so there's only a few days left!

It was an unplanned visit but I really enjoyed it. I'm not a huge art lover and I don't go to many cultural things, but when I do I surprise myself by liking it - I should remember this and make more of an effort... I like going to places like the Science Museum and the Natural History Museum, but I don't tend to go to many arty things. 

Anyway, my friend and I decided to go and I have to confess that beyond 'The Scream' I am not really familiar with Munch's work. Wow. It was a really interesting experience to see all these wonderful paintings - although I was disappointed that 'The Scream' was not there!! Munch used to paint lots of copies of the same painting, to sell to various people or show in exhibits, and also would re-work the piece each time, so there is quite alot of repetition in his work. But when you look closely at the detail, you realise that each painting is unique and can convey a different story or message, even though a fleeting glance would tell you that it is the same painting.

It got me thinking about life, about guys that I've dated and had relationships with... Each time I embark on a new journey I think that I won't make the same mistakes again, that I can make a different story, much like having a second chance at painting something, to make it better than the last attempt. 

I think Munch was much more successful at that than I am!

Anyway, if you're in London over the next few days, I can highly recommend going to see this exhibit.

Take care

M

Another Year...

I cannot believe how quickly time flies... Time flies when you're having fun, right?!

I wish I could tell you that I've found the love of my life, that I'm happily married and had kids or had some kind of happily ever after, but I haven't. The quest to find true love still lives on, and I won't give up until I find it.

The last year and a bit has been full of highs and lows... The last time I posted I was just getting over S. S has been in a relationship for the past year now so obviously he and I weren't meant to be. Shame as I did genuinely like him. Since then, there have been a few internet dates and an almost serious relationship, but that ended with a few fireworks and the loss of a good friend.

High points - well, this year I finally got my ass on the property ladder! Which, as a singleton, is no mean feat in London. It's been quite tough and my flat is still not completely furnished but I love it, it's all mine, my very own space to do with what I will. It's been a bit of an eye-opener really, having to contend with decorating and DIY on my own. Very proud that I have managed stuff like changing fuses and getting rid of giant spiders without assistance!

I'm going to try and blog more regularly but for now, it's goodnight and time to get some beauty sleep as I have a huge zit on my chin :-(
It feels good to be back!
Goodnight all x